Walking With Him

I often go back and relive a lot of my childhood in my mind. Those were some of the best days of my life. I know a lot of people can’t say that…I’m sorry! To have the joy and freedom I remember having as a child is something I long for these days. Not only for me, but for children these days. Even for my girls. I tell them, that I often wish they could have grown up the way I did. It wasn’t perfect, but darn close to it!

We did not grow up as a Bible-reading family at all. We went to church and lived the best we knew how. Yes, we knew there was a God, but talking about the Holy Spirit was scary. You just didn’t talk about Him/Her because, really, you had no clue about that stuff. But one thing we had was a loving home! We were well taken care of. Momma still says to this day, “Barb, we did the best we could or knew how.” Yes, Momma, you did!! ..and I thank you for that! We lived by example… how often are children, even adults, watching us? You might be the only Bible/Jesus they have ever seen or experienced up to this point. Live your life by example….LOVE.. I’m not here to bash my family or the culture I came from. I love my family and my people.

I really could not imagine having grown up without family or extended family. I had 5 siblings. 3 brothers and 2 sisters. I came in 5th place..lol.. My mom had 11 siblings and my dad had 10. Yes huge families, but we had so much fun!! Family and work is pretty much the only thing that mattered back in those days. How times have changed! In a very short time! Family life for a lot of people comes in 3rd or 4th these days. We’ve got our priorities mixed up a bit. The biggest tool the enemy uses these days amongst Christians is busyness. We have more stuff then we’ve ever had, and are most bored/busy than we’ve ever been. Even busy in doing great things! {want to write about this later}}

I grew up as a little amish girl. No electricity, no electronics…imagine! I’m not sure kids these days could survive without electronics…just being sarcastic-but could they? I have come to think that kids might not be at fault for being raised on electronics. For some reason it makes a great babysitter..etc. I told you I’m just gonna be honest…and most surely from my perspective…I want to encourage you… { Psalms 127:3 Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.} No child is or ever was an accident.. {Jeremiah 1:5 God says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you;}…[[please go read Psalms 139]… but then theirs the parents who put all their effort into getting their children outside and into God’s creation. Kudos to ya’ll! That’s where their mind starts working and their imaginations start running wild and free.

I grew up in Mudd Valley, Holmes County Ohio. The heart of amish country. We had everything a child ever needed to fulfill their childhood dreams. A barn where we spend most days playing with our animals. We would put our doll dresses on our kittens and wrap them in a blanket, then we’d play baby. They didn’t really enjoy it the way we did. We had a cow at one point, a horse, a pony, dogs, cats, rabbits, doves…I’m probably missing something,, but non the less , lots of animals. If we weren’t playing with the animals we were up in the hay loft making houses with the hay bales. I can almost smell that hay just thinking about it! uhh…We would take our toys out into the hay houses and play in there for days on end. Till dad needed the hay for the animals, then he’d tear them apart. We also had acres of woods with a creek that we’d play in. A lot of my cousins lived just across the fields from our place. We would often meet up in the woods to play. Usually hours on end. I don’t think momma ever worried about us, while we were out playing. So different from today’s world. We didn’t know danger existed. I don’t think it did around our area where we grew up. It wasn’t even a thought.

My grandparents lived on a farm, just across the field from our place. My uncle and grandpa did all the farming. They planted all the crops and milked lots of cows by hand. They were allowed to have milkers later on then.[because of church rules] We loved to go to the farm in the evenings when the chores and milking started. Theirs just something about farm life that brings a family together. My favorite memory about the farm is when all my cousins, aunts and uncles got together to fill the silo. My dad had 10 siblings, so their were a lot of people. That always happened on a crisp October day. The men and boys would work out in the fields. Meanwhile, the women stirred up a feast in the kitchen, fit for a king. The menu always consisted of homemade bread,mashed potatoes, gravy, chicken, stuffing, salad, vegetables and lots of desserts. Now I’m hungry! When I was between the age of 12-15 I helped my uncle out in the hay fields making hay. It was so fun! He always allowed us to help. Never telling us that we can’t. He farmed with horses, so it was a slower pace of work.

Don’t get me wrong…we also had to work. I for some odd reason loved to work. Especially along side my mother. She always had the patience to teach us how to do something. Never in a hurry. My favorite thing to do was mowing the yard. It took 4 hours with an 18 inch walk behind self-propelled mower. Just loved it!! I still love to sit and watch someone mow the yard. It’s just satisfying! In the summertime mom and us kids would often work in our garden after dinner. We had a big beautiful garden. We raised all of our own vegetables and strawberries. uhh, I miss those days! I also loved to work in the kitchen. I didn’t do a lot of cooking, but loved to bake. I especially loved to bake when I was sick with anorexia. That’s weird, I know, but it was satisfying for some reason.

My journey with anorexia started when I was in 7th grade. It all started from feeling like I’m not good enough for anyone. I was ” a little chubby”. So I just quit eating and exercised like crazy. It literally destroyed me. I was so sick and weak that I couldn’t go into 8th grade. Mom kept me at home and got books to homeschool . I remember laying on my bedroom floor trying to do my work. I was so weak that I could barely hold my head up to do my work. Plus I couldn’t think at all. Let’s just say I didn’t do school…oop! Anorexia is a hellish spirit that doesn’t have anything in mind but to kill you. The way it twists your mind to believe lies that are so obviously not true. Every bone in your body can lay bare with only skin stretched across it, and you literally look in the mirror and see nothing but a fat person. That spirit not only twists your thinking but also your eyes. Nothing is as though it seems. It’s so tiring. It’s the first thing on your mind when you wake up and then every minute after that till you go to sleep again. A vicious cycle meant to kill you, and nothing else. How did I get out of that cycle? …My cousin that I really looked up to, just came up to me one day and said” Barbara do you know just how ugly you really are?” Right their something broke. I don’t understand how that works, but it worked for me. .. to a certain extend. It’s years later, and I still have to really watch that I don’t fall back into that trap. The tendencies are still their. But God…

You probably wonder why I haven’t mentioned my dad in any of my memories…and before i explain I do want to confirm that I love my father. Forgiveness releases you to love.

Yes I had a dad all my growing up years. He lived at home, but there was never a connection or any kind of relationship with his children. We never talked or interacted in any way. The funny thing is, I just thought that was normal. Not realizing how that can effect you in later years. Now seeing him interact with his grandchildren and great grandchildren, I do really think he realizes what he missed out on with his own children……in order to have a relationship with him I had to take the first step in going to him and telling him that I forgive him for all the times he wasn’t their for me. Humbling myself and doing that has broken so many chains and brought the walls down. With 1 conversation! Was it hard? Yes!! But God…He gave me the words to say… sweet forgiving words… daddy wept…. He’s had a very tough life growing up, and was never taught how to work through these things and just thought this is how life will always be. Bless his heart! I love my dad… Forgiveness breaks chains! Trust me I know…I have experienced it.

This did get kinda long, but o the memories! I’ll leave with this verse….John 16:13….”But when He, the Spirit of truth , has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come…………..much LOVE till next time!